my Lord

All posts tagged my Lord

Hoping, hoping…..and still hoping..

Published August 20, 2011 by ladykat3

For these past few days, I don’t feel like I’m me. My Lord has tested me, with the same test He’d used to put me through not long time ago. I feel like my Lord has hated me- even someone says that He doesn’t forget His servants, but it’s us who always forget about Him. I’m gaining my ‘consciousnesses’ after a lot of reading about dua and destiny. I regret the way I’d used to be after that test, and I’ve never realize that failures are kind of test as well.

That day is vital for me, and for months, I’ve always ask Him to give me strength and victory for that crucial day in my life. But, I failed, for the second time. Failing twice make me so frustrated, and I feel like losing hope. I’ve asked Him so many times, but as if He ignored me. Then I read some articles about the matter of Dua not being answered. Ibn al-Jawzi in one of his books commented the following:

I think part of the test is when a believer supplicates and receives no response, and he repeats the dua for a long time and sees no sign of a response. He should realize that this is a test and needs patience.

In fact, when I consider of it, actually what I’m hoping for is not necessary in life. I seldom cry when I perform bad deeds, but I’d cried for something materialistic. How egotistic and unthankful I was.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The slave will receive a response so long as his dua does not involve sin or severing of family ties, and so long as he is not hasty.” It was said, “What does being hasty mean?” He said: “When he says, ‘I made dua and I made dua, and I have not seen any response,’ and he gets frustrated and stops making dua.” Narrated by al-Bukhari, 6340; Muslim, 2735.

I’m being hasty,so, I should stop crying, and keep hoping.

…to know and believe in my Lord

Published August 13, 2011 by ladykat3

When I was at kindergarten, I had trouble believing His existence at that time – I’m just about 4 0r 5 years old after all. I asked my teacher if He exist, why can’t I see Him. She clarified, “It’s not that you cannot see Allah. You can see Him, if and only if you enter Paradise…” I didn’t memorize in detail the things she explained later, but I did bear in mind she mentioned that for a thing created, there would be a creator.

Once, a senior at my college told me that there are hijabs between Allah and all the angels- if one of the hijabs is blown, surely the angels would be ruined because of His greatness. At that point, I recalled the question I’d asked my nursery teacher. If human were able to see Allah with naked eyes, they would definitely be demolished, now I’d know one of the reasons. I can’t see Him because He loves me. And He gives me a life as a test- whether I am grateful or lead astray. For all the people who realize that life is a test and carry out good deeds, He promised that they’ll be able to see Him- one of countless blessing He will award to residents of the Heaven. He will let those people to see Him- and of course their eyes might have been upgraded, no more the usual naked eyes.

This is a tough test for me, however, fail to believe that He is exist means that my Iman isn’t complete. I do believe that He’s watching over me, but sometimes I forget Him when I’m on a daily basis. When I started my job I forget to say ‘Bismillah’ (In the name of Allah). So do when I’d finished my job, I wouldn’t said ‘Alhamdulillah’ (Praise to Allah). So that I‘ve to say ‘Astarfirullah’ (I plead for Allah’s forgiveness) and try to not forgetting Him at any circumstances. Nevertheless, at least I’ve completed my 5 daily prayers because Shalah is the first thing to be hisab (counted) during the Day of Judgments. Likewise, my lecturer used to utter, “If you want to know whether you really believe in Allah, check your Shalah”.

Just because I’m hindered to make it…

Published August 13, 2011 by ladykat3

Somehow I just feel irritated when I failed to do what other people managed to do; even the task is so simple. I know that every people have both flaw and aptitude. In certain circumstances, when the task needs something that I’m hindered to give because it is my weakness, and people around me conceitedly argue that everybody have the identical brain, thus should be capable to achieve what others can do, without me even knowing I would started forgetting all the blessings that my Lord has given to me. I would demand my Lord if He could grant me that capability because I don’t want people to keep looking down on me. I would swear that He can reverse any abilities whichever He has bestowed me, and substitute it with the skill that I want. Later on I would realize that I have been so greedy and ungrateful. Realized…, yet it won’t prevent me from craving that gift.

Subsequently I really need to think about my mistake. Let’s ponder, my Lord has granted me so many gifts, and of course mine is not same as yours. He won’t give everyone the same gifts because He doesn’t want every people to be akin. That is one of the challenges He has set up to assess all His servants – how we’re dealing with other people’s emotion needs, because we aren’t similar to each other. You can declare that I’m not good at conducting technical things, but I can do pretty well when it comes to things like art or innovating something outside the box. I might be able to do the technical things, but I would require more time than anybody who’s their capability is in that field. I need to put more effort, thus I have to be so tolerant, keep on trying and hold my temper when people are looking down on me. Hence I need to comprehend that it’s all right if I don’t have that gift, all I could do is to try all my best and plead that He would give me that present someday. Even if He doesn’t, He would surely give me a better gift than the gift that I yearn for. I bet everybody would concur that a loyal comrade is better than skill in handling machine. Just find someone else to handle that machine and go to your faithful comrade – no biggie at all. You might have both, so why did you have to show off? We really know the answer- because human have a sense of pride. It brings satisfaction to you but of course it hurt others when you seem to be exaggerated. Just be modest and appreciative already. If He wants to take back the gift, He can do it anytime, without you even knowing.