my destiny

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Just Because I’m Not That matured (me or she?!)…

Published August 13, 2011 by ladykat3

I have always felt immature; despite I constantly console myself that all has been destined, I doubt if feelings are just a piece of our fates. Sometimes I wonder if there is no right or wrong on how we define immature is. I’m physically matured but I assume I’m a little bit psychologically immature. I would feel green-eyed when people can simply acquire what I have sought for a very long time. Sometimes I wonder how easy a people condemned another people who create a mistake, or too much mistakes.

Once, a student insolently admonished me that drawing is a sin. I’m totally astounded. I had almost withdrawn myself from participating in a poster drawing competition because of my thoughtlessness to believe in her absurdity, which I had not realized at that time. The only foolishness she had made is to slam me without showing me any proof and I was such an idiot to believe her just because I consider that I’m not pious – how immature we have been. Perhaps because I’m not emotionally matured, I feel so aggravated till the point I leave hatred to take over me, in my head I would hate her and never let off what she had done. I’m okay with critics. What she had done is not critic, it just a narcissistic way to fool a naïve girl like me. When I’ve found the truth I cannot simply forgive her for embarrassing me in front of other people. A friend told me that drawing something beneficial isn’t a sin and that girl is just envious of my talent. I deem she’s right because later on the girl, who scolded me, on a fine evening, privately asked me to teach her about painting. I said nothing because she doesn’t even apologizes. Of course, forgiveness is something that you give to yourself. I have faced so many people like her, felt freaking tired and I have been so heartless – like I had said, I might be emotionally immature.

Oucch, I’m whining over my fate…again! Okay, just look at the reason. I bet if she didn’t condemn me, I wouldn’t know much about the legal and the forbidden in Islamic art. Thanks to her that I have put a lot of effort grueling with books about Islamic design.  I hope that she would be acknowledged about this and realize that she misunderstood the hadith. The reason for this obstacle is- my Lord had tested me- to access whether I’m patient enough to face someone like her. And really, without me even realized, I have improved my awareness in Islamic design. I wish that if  I find someone like her in the future I would be able to forgive.

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Just because I’m hindered to make it…

Published August 13, 2011 by ladykat3

Somehow I just feel irritated when I failed to do what other people managed to do; even the task is so simple. I know that every people have both flaw and aptitude. In certain circumstances, when the task needs something that I’m hindered to give because it is my weakness, and people around me conceitedly argue that everybody have the identical brain, thus should be capable to achieve what others can do, without me even knowing I would started forgetting all the blessings that my Lord has given to me. I would demand my Lord if He could grant me that capability because I don’t want people to keep looking down on me. I would swear that He can reverse any abilities whichever He has bestowed me, and substitute it with the skill that I want. Later on I would realize that I have been so greedy and ungrateful. Realized…, yet it won’t prevent me from craving that gift.

Subsequently I really need to think about my mistake. Let’s ponder, my Lord has granted me so many gifts, and of course mine is not same as yours. He won’t give everyone the same gifts because He doesn’t want every people to be akin. That is one of the challenges He has set up to assess all His servants – how we’re dealing with other people’s emotion needs, because we aren’t similar to each other. You can declare that I’m not good at conducting technical things, but I can do pretty well when it comes to things like art or innovating something outside the box. I might be able to do the technical things, but I would require more time than anybody who’s their capability is in that field. I need to put more effort, thus I have to be so tolerant, keep on trying and hold my temper when people are looking down on me. Hence I need to comprehend that it’s all right if I don’t have that gift, all I could do is to try all my best and plead that He would give me that present someday. Even if He doesn’t, He would surely give me a better gift than the gift that I yearn for. I bet everybody would concur that a loyal comrade is better than skill in handling machine. Just find someone else to handle that machine and go to your faithful comrade – no biggie at all. You might have both, so why did you have to show off? We really know the answer- because human have a sense of pride. It brings satisfaction to you but of course it hurt others when you seem to be exaggerated. Just be modest and appreciative already. If He wants to take back the gift, He can do it anytime, without you even knowing.