For these past few days, I don’t feel like I’m me. My Lord has tested me, with the same test He’d used to put me through not long time ago. I feel like my Lord has hated me- even someone says that He doesn’t forget His servants, but it’s us who always forget about Him. I’m gaining my ‘consciousnesses’ after a lot of reading about dua and destiny. I regret the way I’d used to be after that test, and I’ve never realize that failures are kind of test as well.
That day is vital for me, and for months, I’ve always ask Him to give me strength and victory for that crucial day in my life. But, I failed, for the second time. Failing twice make me so frustrated, and I feel like losing hope. I’ve asked Him so many times, but as if He ignored me. Then I read some articles about the matter of Dua not being answered. Ibn al-Jawzi in one of his books commented the following:
I think part of the test is when a believer supplicates and receives no response, and he repeats the dua for a long time and sees no sign of a response. He should realize that this is a test and needs patience.
In fact, when I consider of it, actually what I’m hoping for is not necessary in life. I seldom cry when I perform bad deeds, but I’d cried for something materialistic. How egotistic and unthankful I was.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The slave will receive a response so long as his dua does not involve sin or severing of family ties, and so long as he is not hasty.” It was said, “What does being hasty mean?” He said: “When he says, ‘I made dua and I made dua, and I have not seen any response,’ and he gets frustrated and stops making dua.” Narrated by al-Bukhari, 6340; Muslim, 2735.
I’m being hasty,so, I should stop crying, and keep hoping.