I have always felt immature; despite I constantly console myself that all has been destined, I doubt if feelings are just a piece of our fates. Sometimes I wonder if there is no right or wrong on how we define immature is. I’m physically matured but I assume I’m a little bit psychologically immature. I would feel green-eyed when people can simply acquire what I have sought for a very long time. Sometimes I wonder how easy a people condemned another people who create a mistake, or too much mistakes.
Once, a student insolently admonished me that drawing is a sin. I’m totally astounded. I had almost withdrawn myself from participating in a poster drawing competition because of my thoughtlessness to believe in her absurdity, which I had not realized at that time. The only foolishness she had made is to slam me without showing me any proof and I was such an idiot to believe her just because I consider that I’m not pious – how immature we have been. Perhaps because I’m not emotionally matured, I feel so aggravated till the point I leave hatred to take over me, in my head I would hate her and never let off what she had done. I’m okay with critics. What she had done is not critic, it just a narcissistic way to fool a naïve girl like me. When I’ve found the truth I cannot simply forgive her for embarrassing me in front of other people. A friend told me that drawing something beneficial isn’t a sin and that girl is just envious of my talent. I deem she’s right because later on the girl, who scolded me, on a fine evening, privately asked me to teach her about painting. I said nothing because she doesn’t even apologizes. Of course, forgiveness is something that you give to yourself. I have faced so many people like her, felt freaking tired and I have been so heartless – like I had said, I might be emotionally immature.
Oucch, I’m whining over my fate…again! Okay, just look at the reason. I bet if she didn’t condemn me, I wouldn’t know much about the legal and the forbidden in Islamic art. Thanks to her that I have put a lot of effort grueling with books about Islamic design. I hope that she would be acknowledged about this and realize that she misunderstood the hadith. The reason for this obstacle is- my Lord had tested me- to access whether I’m patient enough to face someone like her. And really, without me even realized, I have improved my awareness in Islamic design. I wish that if I find someone like her in the future I would be able to forgive.