…. today isn’t wednesday:/
credit to: freelancerguru.com
…. today isn’t wednesday:/
credit to: freelancerguru.com
Architecture is the most difficult of professions, and he who practice it.. must be pious.” —,Mimar Sinan, Muslim architect
Somehow that quote echoed in my mind..seriously, am I truly targetting for this profession? ~~(~i’m not pious)
My lecturer used to say that people would extremely agree with ‘Architecture is the most difficult of professions’ ,but the next line is a lil bit ….=,=(…….)….but at least every1 can try…
Just finished my 1st semester …and I’m kinda…huh!!=,=
I need to pamper myself …
no kidding..my drafting table has been my pillow…
credit to: freelancerguru.com ….=)
For these past few days, I don’t feel like I’m me. My Lord has tested me, with the same test He’d used to put me through not long time ago. I feel like my Lord has hated me- even someone says that He doesn’t forget His servants, but it’s us who always forget about Him. I’m gaining my ‘consciousnesses’ after a lot of reading about dua and destiny. I regret the way I’d used to be after that test, and I’ve never realize that failures are kind of test as well.
That day is vital for me, and for months, I’ve always ask Him to give me strength and victory for that crucial day in my life. But, I failed, for the second time. Failing twice make me so frustrated, and I feel like losing hope. I’ve asked Him so many times, but as if He ignored me. Then I read some articles about the matter of Dua not being answered. Ibn al-Jawzi in one of his books commented the following:
I think part of the test is when a believer supplicates and receives no response, and he repeats the dua for a long time and sees no sign of a response. He should realize that this is a test and needs patience.
In fact, when I consider of it, actually what I’m hoping for is not necessary in life. I seldom cry when I perform bad deeds, but I’d cried for something materialistic. How egotistic and unthankful I was.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The slave will receive a response so long as his dua does not involve sin or severing of family ties, and so long as he is not hasty.” It was said, “What does being hasty mean?” He said: “When he says, ‘I made dua and I made dua, and I have not seen any response,’ and he gets frustrated and stops making dua.” Narrated by al-Bukhari, 6340; Muslim, 2735.
I’m being hasty,so, I should stop crying, and keep hoping.
I’m sorry for being this way.. and I wonder why I feel so brokenhearted.
I know that for some people it’s not a big deal…
but as for me, it just…
My Lord, answer me…
Somehow I feel so helpless, how long I should hang around before You help me.
I’m sorry for being rude, I’m a human too and so emo after all this..
You know me, and yet You do this to me..
If You think that I deserves it, let me know why..
I know that I already have a lot of sins, but by making this to me, You make me feel so unworthy..
What am I actually?
I’m not a sort of pious gal who wears black veil to cover up my face. I’m just a simple, typical girl in t-shirt, sweater and slack, and of course, an elongated shawl around my head. As for me, I did consider that I’ve preserved my aurat, and before I go out of the house, I’ll take a peek at the mirror. But sometimes, I still can’t tell whether I’ve already take care of my aurat. So I seldom ask my roommates if it’s okay to go out wearing this and that. Friends are my mirror who not just reflect, but help me to choose which outfit would keep me safe. One thing for sure, outfits doesn’t have to be fit. A lot of friends tell me that people won’t look at what we’re wearing; instead, they look on how we behave. I’m partly agreed with this, and we had a bickering-like chat.
If people don’t truly look at others’ physical appearance, there would be no fornication, no rape; no HIV and discrimination, and this world would be a safe place to live in. But that’s not the reality, more like a hope, and you don’t forever get a hold of what you wish for in life. When the people, either male or female didn’t control their gaze, the demon would mumble and provoke him/her to create sins. Lust, which we have in our soul, is totally an ally to the demon. We need to top up our faith so that when something like this happens, we know how to tame that lust. We should realize vividly that the demon would rejoice whenever we fail to control our lust. I really hate to give up my Iman, afterward give pleasure to the demon.
Right now, at any time I bump into good-looking guys, I would try to say somewhat like ‘Masha-Allah, how beautiful Allah’s creation are’ or ‘Allah has made His creation so perfect, and I wonder how perfect is the Creator’ or just a single word ‘Masha-Allah’. Sometimes, I feel that it’s so hard to fight over lust, which is the reason why I always need to make sure that when I’ve doubt against my Lord, I need to find the truth right away. I’m thankful for being at this college. I’ve lecturers who constantly have answers anytime I ask them about faith.
On the other hand, like my friend used to say- people don’t look at what we’re wearing- is actually a factual also. She adds up that she refer to kind of persons who don’t care much at what people are wearing, instead, they look at the attitude. Plus, someone can just be a munafiq, wearing hijab to attract attention or because it’s compulsory to wear clothes like that at a certain place like mosque; the non-muslim are exceptional, they can’t be called munafiq just because they wear the scarf during a visit to mosque. Likewise, our lecturers don’t care at our physical, they care about our assignments. Of course, an employee would rather look at someone who has discipline to hire. On top of that, Allah wouldn’t look at your physical or garment; He looks inside your heart. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have to conserve aurat, because ignoring it is a serious offence, and of course drawing Allah’s wrath upon us. The point is, what’s inside is more vital than what is outside, however both have to be well thought-out by a person, because they relate to one another.
When I was at kindergarten, I had trouble believing His existence at that time – I’m just about 4 0r 5 years old after all. I asked my teacher if He exist, why can’t I see Him. She clarified, “It’s not that you cannot see Allah. You can see Him, if and only if you enter Paradise…” I didn’t memorize in detail the things she explained later, but I did bear in mind she mentioned that for a thing created, there would be a creator.
Once, a senior at my college told me that there are hijabs between Allah and all the angels- if one of the hijabs is blown, surely the angels would be ruined because of His greatness. At that point, I recalled the question I’d asked my nursery teacher. If human were able to see Allah with naked eyes, they would definitely be demolished, now I’d know one of the reasons. I can’t see Him because He loves me. And He gives me a life as a test- whether I am grateful or lead astray. For all the people who realize that life is a test and carry out good deeds, He promised that they’ll be able to see Him- one of countless blessing He will award to residents of the Heaven. He will let those people to see Him- and of course their eyes might have been upgraded, no more the usual naked eyes.
This is a tough test for me, however, fail to believe that He is exist means that my Iman isn’t complete. I do believe that He’s watching over me, but sometimes I forget Him when I’m on a daily basis. When I started my job I forget to say ‘Bismillah’ (In the name of Allah). So do when I’d finished my job, I wouldn’t said ‘Alhamdulillah’ (Praise to Allah). So that I‘ve to say ‘Astarfirullah’ (I plead for Allah’s forgiveness) and try to not forgetting Him at any circumstances. Nevertheless, at least I’ve completed my 5 daily prayers because Shalah is the first thing to be hisab (counted) during the Day of Judgments. Likewise, my lecturer used to utter, “If you want to know whether you really believe in Allah, check your Shalah”.
I have always felt immature; despite I constantly console myself that all has been destined, I doubt if feelings are just a piece of our fates. Sometimes I wonder if there is no right or wrong on how we define immature is. I’m physically matured but I assume I’m a little bit psychologically immature. I would feel green-eyed when people can simply acquire what I have sought for a very long time. Sometimes I wonder how easy a people condemned another people who create a mistake, or too much mistakes.
Once, a student insolently admonished me that drawing is a sin. I’m totally astounded. I had almost withdrawn myself from participating in a poster drawing competition because of my thoughtlessness to believe in her absurdity, which I had not realized at that time. The only foolishness she had made is to slam me without showing me any proof and I was such an idiot to believe her just because I consider that I’m not pious – how immature we have been. Perhaps because I’m not emotionally matured, I feel so aggravated till the point I leave hatred to take over me, in my head I would hate her and never let off what she had done. I’m okay with critics. What she had done is not critic, it just a narcissistic way to fool a naïve girl like me. When I’ve found the truth I cannot simply forgive her for embarrassing me in front of other people. A friend told me that drawing something beneficial isn’t a sin and that girl is just envious of my talent. I deem she’s right because later on the girl, who scolded me, on a fine evening, privately asked me to teach her about painting. I said nothing because she doesn’t even apologizes. Of course, forgiveness is something that you give to yourself. I have faced so many people like her, felt freaking tired and I have been so heartless – like I had said, I might be emotionally immature.
Oucch, I’m whining over my fate…again! Okay, just look at the reason. I bet if she didn’t condemn me, I wouldn’t know much about the legal and the forbidden in Islamic art. Thanks to her that I have put a lot of effort grueling with books about Islamic design. I hope that she would be acknowledged about this and realize that she misunderstood the hadith. The reason for this obstacle is- my Lord had tested me- to access whether I’m patient enough to face someone like her. And really, without me even realized, I have improved my awareness in Islamic design. I wish that if I find someone like her in the future I would be able to forgive.